There are days when finding the good in everything – or anything – is difficult.
Life loves to beat you down until you wonder how much lower you can get or how much more you can take. I’ve become fairly certain that this is just a fact of life for the vast majority of us.
If you feel that I’m wrong in this assessment, please don’t tell me how blessed and perfect your life is, always has been, and always will be. Because I will just automatically assume you’re lying. Also just a fact of life. Sorry..? Not really, but at least I’m honest about it.
We’re human. We’re genetically constructed with the predisposition to faltering, failing, and sometimes outright sucking at our own existence.
All of that aside, I am finding it hard right now to manifest myself in the positives. I feel alone. I feel set aside. I feel abandoned all over again. Like nothing I say or do is worth even garnering the smallest response or reaction.
I know all of these feelings are temporary. That I will triumph over them (because “I’ve survived this long without you and I’ve proven that I don’t need anyone anyways: I can make it all on my own”), but when they are here, they are still painful.
Maybe they will always be painful.
Maybe I will never fully recover from them.
Maybe I just need someone to show me consistently that I’m noticed, especially in the moments when I’m down, out, and otherwise hurting.
That what I say and show and express is valid or matters.
That I’m not just hidden in the background until I’m remembered again on a slow day.
That I’m actually still here.
Because some days, I forget to remember that I am still breathing and that, maybe, I might need a little help remembering..