Shell of a Girl

The movie was boring at best. My fourteen year old mind wasn’t too keen on the whole concept of “Death Wish,” regardless of which part it happened to be.

I snuggled into the blanket, trying to immerse myself in the remainder of the movie. My sister and her husband cradled one another at the opposite end, their feet towards me, mine towards them. Somehow, we three managed to make a couch into a three-person bed without offense.

As the credits finally began to roll, she yawned and stretched, managing to disentangle herself and climb over the mass of “us” as she wished everyone a good night.

Kisses.

Hugs.

She was gone.

He and I joked about the remaining semblance of television programming that was left at that time of night.

Who would buy that?

That was quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen!

Oh my gosh! Did you see that?!

Wow. She’s pretty.

You’re pretty. You could be a model.

Nah. I wish I looked like her.

You’re very pretty… you’re beautiful.

His fingers wandered beneath the blankets, touching young thighs beneath a thin nightgown. Higher still they climbed until I was frozen, eyes glued to a television screen I was no longer seeing.

Tears welled as he pulled me upright, shushing me, telling me everthing would be fine.

It’ll be ok. Shhh… I love you. I will leave her and marry you if you want me to. You’re so beautiful.

Lies whispered to keep me quiet.

It will only hurt for a minute. I promise.

He pushed, ignoring the silent tears of pain and confusion that streamed down my cheeks.

His head turned, eyes closed with pleasure while my own stared vacantly ahead, trying desperately to construct a semblance of sanity out of madness.

When he finally pulled from me, spent, he said his goodnights, complete with kisses and I love yous, and headed off to join his wife, asleep, unknowing, in their bedroom.

I stayed on the couch, unmoving, a mere shell of the girl I had been.

Cracked.

Broken.

Bleeding…

____________________

This post was written in response to a prompt by Write On Edge.

We all have them.

Memories that we wish we could forget…things that we wish we could banish from our minds.

Imagine that writing down your worst memory will free you of it.

Write it down and let it go.

Let’s keep it to 600 words or less.

Edit: Yes, they are still married. I also touched on this topic in another post titled The Unsent Letter. Obviously, I have not “let it go.” Maybe someday…

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About Caitlin's Concepts

Mom to 4 boys and drowning in a sea of testosterone!
This entry was posted in General, RemembeRED, Write on Edge and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Shell of a Girl

  1. Erin says:

    OMG My heart bleeds for you! How horrible.
    How brave of you to share your story. I really hope your sister is not still married to him!

  2. Deana says:

    Hugs. You are so brave and strong to be sharing these memories!

  3. angela says:

    This left me absolutely raw. I am so very sorry that someone you trusted took advantage of you like that, hurting you and leaving you in that position. Thank you for sharing this; I am sure it wasn’t an easy post to write 😦

  4. Kisatrtle says:

    This brought backmemories for me that I seldom speak of. I hope he is no longera member ofyour family.

  5. Frelle says:

    thank you for reaching deep inside and laying your worst memory at our feet. I’m so sorry for the 14 year old girl you were. I’m so sorry for the insidiousness of his attack, his feigned gentleness and compliments to woo you into a horrible act of violence toward your innocence and young soul. I want you to know that you have immense worth, you are so valuable, precious, beautiful, and brave. I hope that you comfort and strength in the telling of this story, and in the comments you receive. Thank you again for the expression of this hidden part of your story, for trusting your readers. Sending you a warm embrace, and so much love.

  6. Elaine says:

    How horrible. My heart aches for your young self. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

  7. That people exist like that, who would take advantage of a young girl in the worst way possible, to attack her in the name of “love,” makes me sick to my core. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I know this was incredibly difficult to write. Someone will read your words and think, “me too,” and not feel so alone.

    Hugs to you.. xo

  8. My heart breaks for you. You were so brave to share this with us. I can’t even comprehend what you must have felt and are still feeling after this violent act of betrayal.

  9. Anastasia says:

    You poor thing. Of course you haven’t let that go, it’s an awful memory that changed you for life. I hope writing it helped though.

  10. Tomekha says:

    OH NO. 😥 I’m so sorry this happened to you. 😥 😥 😥
    This shoudn’t have to happen to anybody…I hope that you found release through posting and sharing with us. *hugs*

  11. debseeman says:

    Thank you for sharing this painful memory. All I can say is I am so sorry.

  12. Wow, thank you for sharing your memory in such a way to help other people. Sometimes writing it down helps us let go, and this story was so raw and beautifully written. You are such a talented writer – I hope this helped you because it’s a story I won’t forget.

  13. Renee says:

    I am so sorry. No one should ever have to feel that fear. Especially at the hands of “family”. And yes, I know that fear. It is so wrong. And more common than anyone will admit.

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