I used to believe that karma existed. I mean, a lot of people do.
However, after the last few decades, I may have to rethink my belief system.
I have spent what seems like the majority of my life being helpful to others in ways that, most often, turned out to be detrimental to myself. The kicker of it was that, even at the time, I knew I was doing it and felt nothing but insane amounts of guilt if the word “No” crossed my lips.
So how can it be that karma has this massive closet full of bad luck that keeps reproducing itself until, finally, the door bursts open and everything comes tumbling out on me/us at once?
For the record, although I’m not sure if he has the guilt or not, Jeff is also prone to allowing people to walk all over him. Repeatedly. Obviously, when the two of us work together, we are capable of producing mass amounts of self-damage.
By “self,” I mean “family.”
As in ours.
Anyway.. in light of all this, I can only come up with two possibilities:
1. Karma itself doesn’t exist.
2. We both seriously pissed off some people in a previous life.
I’d go into mass detail about why I feel this way, but I think that, really, it would just come off as a giant pity party and I really try to keep those down to once a
day month or so.
We’ll just leave it at a mainly financial thing and trust me when I say this is something we have not had much control over. Thankfully, it’s something which we have been somewhat lucky to have been able to “afford,” sort of.
I say “sort of” because it’s only been through the grace of credit cards that we’ve been able to make it. And because of the horrid economy, they no longer are being quite so graceful, as I’m sure many people out there know.
However, without those credit cards? There would have been several missing Christmases for my/our/his children and many, many unpaid bills.
I almost think I would rather have been hit with it all at once, though, instead of the way it has been: slow, painful and insanely frustrating. Like when you rip a Band-Aid off quickly versus torturing yourself with it.. just do it and get it over with already, ya know? Instead, it’s been a One Arm Hair At A Time removal.
Someone please tell me I’m not the only one with what seems to be the world’s most vindictive Band-Aid??
Disclaimer: This post is purely from a “One Step Forward, Two Steps Back” financial viewpoint. It in no way means that I believe nothing good has happened to/for us.
We’ve been blessed with our three beautiful boys, even when there were times during two of my pregnancies where it didn’t seem like that would happen.
For that, I will always be grateful.