A Second Chance

This is a brief continuation to a piece I wrote last month. If you missed the first part of Haley’s story, it can be found here.
____________________

Haley’s eyes felt heavy, weighted.

The air around her was musty and thick with the stench of sweat.

A man’s muffled voice coming from somewhere on her left carried a familiar tone that was just outside of recognition.

What happened?

As the fog in her head slowly began to clear, she cracked open her eyes, blinking, trying to squint away the scarce remnants of light from the only source in the room: a small lamp on a dresser across from the bed where she lay.

Where am I? How did I get here?

She sat up slowly, taking in her surroundings as she struggled against a wave of nausea. Her mouth felt packed with cotton balls, tongue swollen and dry. Moving slowly, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, hands braced beside her.

Her mind scrambled in search of memories, the images flashing in front of her and vanishing before she could reach them.

Wine, a delicious merlot.

Soft music. Candlelight.

Laughter.

Wait…

Josh.

Her mind raced in time with the throbbing in her skull. Where was he? Was he ok?

She strained to hear the voice she’d heard only moments before.

Legs protesting her weight, she tried to stand and her eyes caught a hint of light reflected on the nightstand: Water.

She leaned, gripping the glass, bringing it to her lips and drinking heavily, allowing the cool liquid to bring life to her parched body.

Just as quickly, she dropped the glass and hunched over, heaving violently with her head between her knees.

The door to the bedroom opened. “Haley..? Are you ok?” Barely a whisper.

A pause and then, “I’m so sorry, babe. I never wanted this for you. I didn’t.”

She looked up and froze, eyes wide.

“Josh…”
____________________

This post was written in response to a prompt by The Red Dress Club.

Flash Fiction can be fun and a real challenge.

This week focus on the words and the strength of each to contribute to your story.

Write a 300 word piece using the following word for inspiration: LIFE.

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About Caitlin's Concepts

Mom to 4 boys and drowning in a sea of testosterone!
This entry was posted in Fiction, The Red Dress Club and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to A Second Chance

  1. Galit Breen says:

    Wow. So much happened within so few words!

    I love the short sentences- they built the tension and moved the piece along so quickly.

    You used so many perfect words here- stench, squint, scrape {and many others that didn’t -ahem- start with s!}.

    Poor Haley.

  2. Erin says:

    Ohhh i love! You did such an amazing job painting a full picture with just few words!

  3. Carrie says:

    This was really great. The beauty of limiting your words is you really have to make them count to build tension and you definitely did that!

    My only suggestion is you had three lines all begining with She. Perhaps rewording the phrases slightly so it doesn’t sound so repetitive.

    • Yea.. I noticed the same thing. I plan to maybe do one more quick go-through in the morning before linking up. I was thoroughly wiped this morning and changed nothing before hitting publish. 😉

      Thank you for the comment and for the challenge! It was fun!! 🙂

  4. Lance says:

    I like finding new good writers and their blogs.

    I liked “Legs protesting her weight”. Good stuff. I enjoyed the whole piece.

  5. Jackie says:

    Wait!! I need to know what happens now! Ignore the word limit and keep going!!

  6. Melanie says:

    Okay, what’s about to happen???, I think as I grip my hands together in excitement as I wait in suspense. I love that I’m left wondering what’s going to happen next.

    Your descriptive writing and efficient writing make this one strong piece. You’re a natural at expressing alot in a few words (based on other pieces from you that I’ve read). Such a cool gift for a writer.

    My favorite: “The air around her was musty and thick with the stench of sweat.” Could totally feel this!

    Good stuff!

  7. CDG says:

    Oh, cotton-mouthed confusion…
    And that life bringing water that makes you want to curl up and die after a night like that…

    You paint a vivid picture.

  8. Renee says:

    I had to go back and reread the first one.

    So now? MORE! I love your words. Haley’s confusion is expressed so well.
    Oh, and more!

  9. Ack! I remember this story! I feel so sick for her, poor woman..

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