Endlessly Perfected

A sanguine smile covering tears of discontent;
always an endearing composure
for a thankless audience.

Their vacant eyes stare blindly,
so quick to accept the façade
with neither inquiry nor reservation.

After all, surface judgments are easiest
when made in haste.

A brief intervention attempts to capture and divert attention,
derisively arrogant in its presence alone.
I can’t help but pity the optimism.

Truth always has a way of surfacing;
this will be no different.
With mindless certainty the performance continues:

brilliantly scripted,
flawlessly delivered,

Endlessly Perfected.

I stumbled across this poem this afternoon, written in the depths of my eating disorder, and thought it a rather fitting follower to the post I wrote for a TRDC prompt.

Because what most people don’t realize is that it really is all about the performance and how well it’s delivered. Sadly, even closest friends and family rarely stand the chance of seeing the truth before everything has already spiraled out of control.

Lyrics are included in the following video (I did not make it, nor do I own any of the content within).. please watch, listen, read and then educate yourself.

The more you know, the less chance there is that you will miss the signs. You may not understand, but the ability to recognize is much more important than “understanding.”


About Caitlin's Concepts

Mom to 4 boys and drowning in a sea of testosterone!
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4 Responses to Endlessly Perfected

  1. jeleystorey says:

    Oh girl…somehow you always find a way to make me cry. What a haunting video. So very true. Thank you for sharing it and in turn, yourself. I once started to control my eating (at a perfect weight for my then 16 yr old body). I loved the control I felt. But it never “got” me. I was one of the lucky ones. I’m not happy having 30 lbs extra, but it doesn’t hurt me and being on Ritalin (new med) I have to make myself eat sometimes. More so during the morning & afternoon. Fortunately I feel my blood sugar drop and I get nauseous so I end up doing the right thing. My heart goes out to you. Know that if you need anything to ask, ask, ask! And if you need to talk-CALL! You are too precious a person to struggle alone. Many hugs of friendship.

    • Aw, thank you so much for this. =)

      I was a hot mess… with everything else that has happened lately outside of my control (lack of job, lack of money, etc.), I sort of feel lost and out of control: not my forte.

      I’m trying to keep it away… it doesn’t always listen, but I’m definitely pushing.

  2. Sara says:

    I’ve been there and you’ve summarized it perfectly. There are still times when life starts going crazy, chaos consumes my world, and I’m tempted to step on the scale to see how “good” I’ve been. Some of the world’s best actors are the ones that never eat, but you think is always eating.

    • Exactly.. and when I would eat around people it was always something like a fruit or vegetable or yogurt. Then there were the times when they’d see me eating some sort of junk food, but they didn’t know that that was pretty much all I would allow myself for the day to “make up for it.” I still weigh myself at least weekly, but only because there are days when I completely pig out and I’m sort of not in the market for regaining all my pregnancy weight. 😉

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